Learn to Love by Danielle

Learn to Love by Danielle - July 2025 Scholarship Essay

A young girl's decision should be whether to wear her pink shirt or her blue shirt, not whether to prioritize her own emotions or consider others'. Throughout my life, I have consistently been recognized as a good listener among my close friends and family. The people whom I believed were the most cheerful would tell me how much they were going through mentally. I would see and hear the contrast in the way they usually carry themselves compared to how they feel privately. This helped me understand that no matter how happy and confident a person may be, they could still be going through so much on their own. This is why I always tried to be the friend or family member that they could rely on.

However, the more you listen to the struggles of so many people, the more it starts to drain you as well. I started to believe that if I was not the shoulder for my loved ones to cry on, then who else would they be able to talk to? Even though I loved being able to help people, it started to drain me and affect my mental health in the process. I would feel that I was neglecting my thoughts and feelings to care for my loved ones who were struggling. This is what caused me to be sluggish and have little to no energy when it came to taking care of my own mental and emotional needs.

At first, I felt that I would be selfish if I set boundaries with the people who rely on me in my life because I know they go through so much, but I was not struggling with the same things as they were. However, I realized it was horribly affecting me when I barely felt motivated to do anything in my own life. The feeling of knowing that someone close to you is struggling, and all you can do is listen, would take a toll on me day by day. I wished that I could take all their negative feelings away, but I knew that meant that I would be hurting myself in the process.

In the future, I eventually realized that if I truly wanted to feel happy while still caring for my friends and family, I would have to find a balance. I felt horrible at first setting boundaries of what I was uncomfortable and comfortable with hearing, but it helped me in the end. I was able to start taking care of myself again. When I finally felt that I was ready again, I started listening to people and their struggles. I understood that when it comes to caring for people, you have to care for yourself in the process. I wish that I could tell my younger self that when pouring love out into the world, you still need to remember to fill your cup.